SATIRE NEWS: How Canadians Are Fighting Back Against U.S. Tariffs

As the trade war heats up, Canada has imposed 25% retaliatory tariffs on billions of dollars of U.S. goods. Here are all the other ways Canada is fighting back:

Dramatically paring back supply of fictional girlfriends

Going shelf to shelf to boo imported American groceries

Selling us syrup from their worst-tasting maple trees

Aiming all snowblowers in direction of U.S. border

Raising legal drinking age to 37 for American tourists

Whittling their own Big Macs

Boycotting Canadian vacation hubs like Oshkosh and Duluth

Activating Dan Aykroyd

Not letting in any draft dodgers next year