SATIRE NEWS: Hospitalized Toddler To Spend Rest Of Life Associating Mickey Mouse With Physical Pain

BATON ROUGE, LA—As a direct result of receiving pediatric emergency care services, local toddler Tim Ilsington, who was hospitalized Monday, will reportedly spend the rest of his life associating Mickey Mouse with physical pain. Sources confirmed that the 2-year-old, who was admitted to Ochsner Medical Center after fracturing his ulna, will from this point forward let out an involuntary wince every time he even imagines the big ears and smiling face of the popular cartoon rodent. According to sources, the hours Ilsington spent in the brightly colored rooms of the hospital’s children’s wing will form an inexorable link in his mind between the Walt Disney Company’s mascot and agonizing bodily distress, leading him to experience convulsions and vomiting during viewings of Mickey Mouse Funhouse as a preschooler, or while visiting the Magic Kingdom as a preteen. Sources added that this hospitalization will lead to the adult Ilsington only being able to achieve sexual release by getting whipped by a partner dressed like Steamboat Willy.