SATIRE NEWS: Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex 

TORONTO—Accusing the HBO drama of egregiously misrepresenting their experiences off the ice, the National Hockey League Players’ Association blasted Heated Rivalry Friday for what it described as incredibly unrealistic depictions of anal sex between players. “The show’s portrayals of hockey players having sex with each other are wildly misinformed, and we are disappointed by the producers’ utter failure to accurately represent what we do to each other behind locker room doors on a daily basis,” read a statement cosigned by each of the NHLPA’s more than 750 active players, adding that the series’ glitzy, overwrought lovemaking scenes miss the mark on even the most basic details regarding the day-in, day-out sexual encounters that define their lives between games. “Yes, it’s true that we as professional hockey players spend the majority of our free time cramming our cocks into each other’s hot, hungry assholes—the show gets that right. But beyond that, every instance of anal sex you see on screen is pure fiction. It’s clear they didn’t bother consulting any actual hockey players, as the butt-fucking on the show could not be further from what really occurs.” The statement went on to say that while the show’s anal sex scenes are “ludicrous,” its depictions of oral sex between hockey players are pretty much spot-on.