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NEW ORLEANS—Reportedly catching sight of the threat in his periphery, a heroic Secret Service agent sprung into action Sunday and shielded President Donald Trump from an incoming Brittany Mahomes. “We are trained to identify excruciating conversations from insufferable people before they occur and take whatever action is necessary to prevent them from reaching the president,” agent Anthony Cottrell said as he brushed himself off after intercepting a “woo-hoo” intended for President Trump. “Anytime I see a blond woman approaching with an alcoholic beverage in her hand, my instincts kick in. I shouted, ‘Look out, she’s got a lot to say about her recovery time following the birth of her daughter Golden Raye!’ The next thing I know, I’m being pummeled by a long-winded rant about how the WAG lifestyle is actually a respectable full-time job. I’m just glad the president made it out of being forced to look at 78 photos of her three children relatively unscathed.” At press time, the president was photographed bleeding from the ear as a result of the annoying tone of Mahomes’ voice.