SATIRE NEWS: GOP Lawmakers Clarify Their Hate-Filled Rhetoric Only Meant To Stoke Fundraising

WASHINGTON—Following the Minnesota attacks in which one Democratic state legislator was killed and another was shot nine times, Republican members of Congress issued a statement Monday clarifying that their hate-filled rhetoric was only meant to stoke fundraising. “While some argue that our inflammatory language was intended to dehumanize and fuel violence against our political rivals, we can assure you our only objective was to prompt others to open their pocketbooks and support our campaigns,” read a statement issued through the National Republican Congressional Committee that explained the repeated references to Democratic lawmakers being vermin who must be purged from America by any means necessary was merely a tool in the GOP’s fundraising playbook, not a green light to start shooting people. “It was never our purpose to inspire deadly attacks on our colleagues across the aisle when we called them Marxists attempting to destroy the American way of life and said they must be stopped at all costs. We just wanted voters to chip in $25 to help us meet our fundraising goals.” The statement concluded by asking for just $5 so that Republicans can take matters into their own hands to prevent a violent Democratic takeover of the country.