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FAIRFAX, VA—Shaking his head as he rushed past yet another indecisive group laughing together at an obvious dead end, area man Justin Carter reflected Friday on how going with friends would have just slowed him down on his way through a Halloween-themed corn maze. “How do they expect to make it out of this thing in time for the haunted hayride if they’re just giggling and enjoying one another’s company?” Carter said as he quickly and methodically navigated each turn of the agricultural labyrinth. “I’m so glad I don’t have seven or eight iron balls chained to my ankle preventing me from actually completing this maze in a respectable time. Thank God my friends didn’t text me this year, or I’d be no better than those sorry losers still stumbling around near the first scarecrow checkpoint.” At press time, reports confirmed the sun had set and Carter was covered in mud and calling out for help.