SATIRE NEWS: Gentlemen Retire To Parlor To Continue Discussion Of Kickass UFC Fight Alone

CHARLESTON, SC—Retreating from the banquet table to deliberate the virtues of roundhouse kicks to the head and submission choke holds, a group of local gentlemen retired to the parlor to continue their discussion of a kickass UFC fight alone, sources reported Monday. “Ladies, please excuse us, but we must extract ourselves to consider matters of great import—mixed-martial-art takedowns most brutal and violent, you understand,” said the esteemed man of the house, Kyle Jackson, leaving those of the fairer sex to talk about milder topics while he and his fellow men of distinction exchanged anecdotes of virile young bucks beating each other to near death in the Octagon. “It appears the Morning Post made mention of one Jon Jones pounding away at his opponent until he was nothing more than a bloody pulp. What fun! Bam, bam, bam, it said he went. A textbook ground and pound, indeed!” According to reports, the lady of the house, carrying a tray with snifters full of Armagnac, entered the parlor just as two of the gentlemen were reenacting a devastating body slam and smashing into a rare satinwood end table.