SATIRE NEWS: Galapagos Tortoises Become First-Time Parents At 100

Satire news: babysitter finds real life ‘monster’ under child’s bed

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A pair of critically endangered, nearly 100-year-old Galapagos tortoises at the Philadelphia Zoo have become first-time parents, with the arrival of the four hatchlings being a first in the zoo’s more than 150-year history. What do you think?

“Should I send some leaves or something?”

Noel Zarowitz, Chief Regulator


“Great, I had just managed to stop thinking about tortoises fucking.”

Patrick Bowyer, Disturbance Investigator


“You’re never too old to ruin your life.”

Marcy Green, Cable Bundler



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