SATIRE NEWS: FBI Claims Gavel, Black Gowns Prove Ties To MS-13 Gang

WASHINGTON—Explaining that such items constituted a veritable uniform for the notorious criminal organization, FBI director Kash Patel claimed Monday that gavels and black gowns were sufficient evidence to tie an individual to the MS-13 gang. “For decades, MS-13 thugs have identified themselves by wearing black gowns and carrying around wooden hammers with which they could enact their sick sense of gangland justice,” said Patel, who urged U.S. citizens to remain vigilant and immediately report such suspects to authorities so they could be detained and deported. “Many of them get recruited out of hotbeds of gang activity like Harvard and Yale law schools. They also take part in a chilling initiation ceremony in which they have to put their hand on a Bible and swear a bizarre oath of allegiance. We arrested one such deviant just last week.” Patel added that he would be directing FBI agents to round up an estimated 30,000 such deplorable individuals in the coming months.