SATIRE NEWS: Epstein Files Reveal Deepak Chopra Still Lost On Little St. James

SATIRE NEWS: Epstein Files Reveal Deepak Chopra Still Lost On

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WASHINGTON—Amid shocking materials that include a photo in which the word ‘HELP’ has been spelled out with rocks, seaweed, and several stuffed animals, a newly released tranche of Epstein files revealed Friday that Deepak Chopra was still lost on the private island of Little St. James. “From what we can gather, Chopra has been deliriously wandering the now largely uninhabited Epstein Island for years, crying out for food and forbidden eros,” said independent analyst Gina Mosley, adding that the alternative medicine guru had sent hundreds of urgent emails pleading for rescue and the sweetest sensual delights, and most recently had been seen looking sunburned and emaciated as he loaded a flare gun atop a large nude statue of the Greek deity Zeus. “He’s even kept a kind of video journal where he vacillates between saying tearful goodbyes to his family, friends, and fans, and striking a more hopeful tone on the off chance a 13-year-old is still on the island.” Despite the extensive new disclosures, sources told reporters that there are currently no plans to bring Chopra home.



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