SATIRE NEWS: Elderly Salsa Instructor Announces Plan To Dance With Your Girlfriend

CHICAGO—Insisting that a demonstration of the form was necessary to display its full force and power, elderly salsa instructor Hector Moreno announced his plan during a Thursday evening introductory class to dance with your girlfriend. “No, no, no—you must do it with passion, great passion,” said the 83-year-old man, who reportedly placed a hand around your long-term girlfriend’s back and began skillfully gliding her across the ballroom floor to the tune of the Fania All Stars’ “Quiero Saber.” “See?” he continued. “You must understand your partner deeply, closely. As if she were your own heart. Keep your eyes locked on hers. Look, she dances so well! Follow my hips now, beautiful. One-two-three, back, center, back. Five-six-seven, front, center, back. Marvelous! Marvelous!” At press time, the octogenarian had announced his intention to dance with you, as well, so you could master your enchufla turns.