SATIRE NEWS: Egyptologists Unearth Depictions Of Simple Ramps, Levers Aliens Used To Build Pyramids 

CAIRO—Finally solving the mystery of how such architectural wonders could have been built with primitive tools in ancient times, Egyptologists from Cambridge University announced Thursday that they had unearthed depictions of the simple ramps and levers that aliens used to build the pyramids at Giza. “Shortly after traveling to Earth in their quantum-drive spaceships, extraterrestrials must have unloaded the ropes, inclined planes, and primitive copper tools we see pictured here,” Professor Giles Egerton said as he pointed to the ancient hieroglyphs etched into a newly discovered limestone tablet, adding that the skeptics who doubted the ancient Egyptians’ ability to erect the pyramids without alien assistance had been vindicated. “Looking back now, it’s laughable to think we once seriously considered that Egyptians in 2500 B.C. might have had the means to build these structures on their own. This ancient mystery can be neatly explained by a few simple machines and the intense physical labor of tens of thousands of invading alien troops.” Going on to acknowledge the genuine achievements of ancient Egyptians, Egerton noted that these Bronze Age humans had succeeded in using gravity cannons and proton rays to build the Great Sphinx in a single afternoon.