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Satire news: diddy lawyer tosses jury cîroc swag during closing

SATIRE NEWS: Diddy Lawyer Tosses Jury Cîroc Swag During Closing Statement  

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NEW YORK—Shaking a logo-emblazoned cap enticingly over his head, a defense attorney for Sean “Diddy” Combs’ reportedly tossed jurors Cîroc-branded swag during closing statements Thursday in the 55-year-old music mogul’s racketeering and sex-trafficking trial. “All right, who wants a free towel?” lawyer Marc Agnifilo said as the men and women of the jury immediately clamored to their feet and began shouting “Me! Me!” and “I want a towel! I do!” “I’ve got shirts. Who wants a shirt? Small, medium, large? Bandanas? Sunglasses? Socks? Flasks? Oh, man, and you got to check out these shot glasses—they light up! No need to shove each other, ladies and gentlemen—I have plenty of merch for everyone.” At press time, U.S. District Judge Arun Subramanian, wearing a Cîroc-branded flat-bill cap, was calling for order in the court.





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