SATIRE NEWS: Congress Allocates $45 Million To Hang Fairy Lights Along U.S. Border

WASHINGTON—Citing an urgent need to spruce up the country’s drab perimeter, Congress allocated $45 million Tuesday to hang fairy lights along the U.S. border. “This funding will go a long way toward making our great nation even cozier,” said Rep. Sam Graves (R-MO), who co-sponsored the bipartisan bill aimed at improving the nation’s ambience with more than 7,500 miles of twinkling LED string lights. “It’s high time we address the problems of our crumbling infrastructure with dreamier, more whimsical decor. For too long, our borders have been left tragically unadorned, with only harsh overhead lighting separating us from Canada and Mexico. With this money, the Department of Homeland Security will be able to make the vibes at the U.S. border much more enchanting, and anyone entering this country will be met with an inviting warm glow.” Graves added that the bill would also divert funds from a number of water management projects to install cool galaxy lights across the Great Plains.