SATIRE NEWS: Community Does Jack Shit To Make Christmas Better For Town’s Second-Poorest Family

Satire news: community does jack shit to make christmas better

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WAYNE, NE—After coming together and pooling resources to save Christmas for the town’s most impoverished family, a tight-knit Nebraska community reportedly did jack shit this week to make the holiday better for its second-poorest family. “Getting to see the smiles on the Turner kids’ faces when they realized they were going to have a merry Christmas after all was a heartwarming moment that made me feel proud to live in a small town like ours,” said elementary school teacher Linda Clark, who sure as fuck didn’t bake a Christmas ham for the Hoffman family two blocks away, who are functionally just as poor. “The holidays are a time when we make sure we’re looking out for the least fortunate members of our community. As for the second-least, well, it’s a slippery slope. I mean, if you spend all day decorating a Christmas tree for the second-poorest family, then the third-poorest is going to want help buying presents, and pretty soon you’re on the hook for everybody, which, come on, sounds like a total nightmare. Of course, we wanted to help the Hoffmans out, but after all the charitable acts we just did for the Turners in order to emulate Christ during this season of giving, we were pretty wiped out. But if there’s one thing I know about our little town, it’s that if you’re down on your luck enough to be clearly the worst one off, we’ll be there to lift you up.” At press time, reports confirmed the Hoffman family was looking through a window at the town Christmas party being thrown for the Turners, which they had not been invited to attend.



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