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SAN DIEGO—As they shooed a herd of giraffes into a nearby bathroom, workers told reporters Friday that they were frantically scrambling to hide all of the San Diego Zoo’s animals ahead of a visit from the landlord. “He texted an hour ago saying he was dropping in to check the garbage disposal, so we’ve been running around cleaning up evidence of the 12,000 rare and endangered animals we’ve got living here,” senior zookeeper Allison Weepie said while lighting a scented candle to cover the stench of snakes, Gila monsters, and tortoises in the reptile exhibit. “The lease says we’re allowed to have a cat, but it requires a $500 pet fee, which, you know, fuck that. I’m gonna turn up the volume on a nature documentary to drown out all the screaming macaques and parrots. Next we gotta throw tarps over the lions and sweep up the hundreds of pounds of rhino dung. As for the pandas, I’m just gonna tell him we’re pet-sitting for the neighbors.” At press time, workers were overheard explaining to the landlord that the colony of penguins marching through the property were legally protected service animals.