SATIRE NEWS: Bodybuilder Films Self Eating Chicken To Make Sure Form Correct 

ATLANTA—Explaining that watching his movements on video had really helped him identify weaknesses and track his gains and losses, local bodybuilder Antonio Vergara filmed himself eating chicken Wednesday to make sure his form was correct. “People don’t realize it, but over 70% of injuries from ingesting lean proteins happen because of bad technique,” said Vergara, who added that setting up a tripod in his kitchen had allowed him to understand why he often sustained muscle strains, ligament tears, and stress fractures while repeatedly sitting down at his table to eat several pounds of boiled chicken breasts per day. “In the heat of breakfast, lunch, or dinner, it can be hard to assess how you’re handling the meat, but the camera is the best way to ensure I’m getting clean bites and swallows. If you’re not careful, you can do some serious damage to your core, obliques, and anal sphincter. I had a friend who ate a rotisserie chicken the wrong way and couldn’t walk for a month.” At press time, a wincing Vergara revealed that he’d had no choice but to send his personal trainer a 15-minute video of him vomiting up a skillet of chicken fajitas to determine where exactly he’d gone wrong.