SATIRE NEWS: All Upcoming Films Canceled After Every Living Actor Called To ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Set For Reshoots

LOS ANGELES—Confirming the rest of the industry had been brought to a virtual standstill, sources reported Wednesday that all upcoming films had been canceled after every living actor was called back to the Avengers: Doomsday set for reshoots. “They’ve called every member of SAG-AFTRA back to set—it’s a complete disaster,” said an anonymous studio executive, who noted that every project from The Batman Part II to Shrek 5 had been indefinitely suspended due to the scope of the newest Marvel Cinematic Universe film, which required the cooperation of all 160,000 Hollywood actors. “Unfortunately, they realized the current cut is pretty much all plot holes, so it’s all hands on deck right now. Plus, Marvel wants to get these focus group scores just right. Martin Scorsese is pretty unhappy, but he’s just going to have to be patient like everyone else.” At press time, optimistic sources estimated non-Avengers films would be back by 2035.