SATIRE NEWS: 37-Year-Old Still On Parents’ Verizon Plan Saves Credibility By Clarifying He Pays Them $50 A Month

SAN DIEGO—Pausing mid-conversation to shore up any doubts regarding his ability to shoulder adult responsibilities, full-grown 37-year-old man Justin Landry reportedly defended his credibility Friday by clarifying that he paid his parents $50 a month for his portion of their Verizon phone plan. “No, no, no—it would be crazy if I let them pay it in full,” said Landry, explaining that despite using a phone his parents helped him buy at the age of 35, he had always Venmoed them immediately at the beginning of every billing cycle. “I wanted to quit and get my own plan, actually, but that would be too much of a hassle for my parents at this point. Plus, it’s a family plan, so it’s cheaper for all of us. Really I’m doing them a favor this way.” At press time, Landry was reportedly sending his mom an extra $10 after receiving a text from her informing him that he had gone over his data limit again.