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Our clutter doesn’t necessarily reflect messy habits. In many cases, it stems from the stories we tell ourselves.
Think about the items you hold on to not because you truly want or need them ― but because of hypothetical or future-focused narratives. “I’d use that if I had more time.” Or “I’d want to wear that because it looks great, but it’s not as comfortable as I’d like.”
That mindset is at the heart of what organizers call the “ifs and buts” rule of decluttering. And by recognizing this kind of thinking, people can make meaningful progress when it comes to tidying and organizing their homes.
What is the “ifs and buts” rule of decluttering?
“The ‘ifs and buts’ approach focuses on noticing the conditional language people use when they hold on to items ― such as ‘if I lose weight,’ ‘but I might need it someday,’ or ‘if we ever have guests,’” said professional organizer Regina Lark. “These phrases often signal that clutter is being kept for a future version of life rather than the one currently being lived.”
Think about that episode of “Friends” when Monica buys extremely uncomfortable boots, but she feels the need to justify keeping them because they were so expensive.
Ask yourself if the reason you’re holding on to something is because of an “if” or “but” condition. That fancy pizza oven you’ve never even used? Maybe you know you should get rid of it ― “but it was expensive.” That “but” is probably not a great justification for letting it take up so much room in your kitchen.
“When you hear yourself making statements like ‘I’d like this sweater if it was a different color’ or ‘I like the sweater but it doesn’t fit me,’ you know we are leaning more towards letting it go,” said Julie Naylon of No Wire Hangers Professional Organizing.
She added that these statements are usually accompanied by a “yucky” face that indicates how they really feel about the item. Maybe you love those cool accent pillows in your closet ― but they don’t actually work with your home’s decor. Instead, they’re just gathering dust and taking up valuable storage space.
“When I work with clients and they start creating ‘if and but’ excuses while we purge, I know that’s fear talking, and deeper down, they know that they’ll never use that item,” echoed Tova Weinstock, the professional organizer behind Tidy Tova. “So if you’re decluttering your space and hear those words come up, acknowledge that that’s fear talking and overcome it. When in doubt, throw it out.”
This framework disrupts the conditional thinking that keeps clutter in your home.
“The gist of the ‘ifs and buts’ approach is sound and harks back to one of the earliest recorded organizing ‘rules’ ― the 19th century quote from William Morris, ‘Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful,’” said Lisa Zaslow, a professional organizer with Gotham Organizers. “If you’re holding on to something that you’d actually use if it looked or functioned differently, or keeping something that kind of works for you but not entirely, you’re better off letting it go and purchasing something that you truly love and use.”
She believes the “ifs and buts” rule essentially reframes this old guideline: Keep the best ― let go of the rest. Basically, hold onto the items you don’t need to make excuses for keeping, the ones that don’t require a mental negotiation.
“I remind my clients, if you’re keeping something for ‘some day,’ remember that by definition, ‘some day’ is never today,” Zaslow said. “Ask: What’s the impact on your present life if you’re keeping something for a future that may never arrive?”
With the “ifs and buts” rule, the idea is to simplify the process while also addressing the psychology behind why we hold on to certain items.
“This kind of thinking is closely tied to what I call aspirational clutter, objects connected to who we hope to become rather than who we realistically are right now,” Lark said. “There’s also an element of magical thinking at play, where we unconsciously believe the item itself might help create that future. I find this approach especially insightful because it helps people see that clutter is often carrying emotional meaning ― hope, guilt, optimism or unfinished dreams ― not just physical belongings.”
Acknowledging the deeper emotions or future dreams behind clutter can help you make more practical decisions.
“Organizing works best when we focus on who we are right now, not who we might be someday,” said Katie Hubbard of Turn It Tidy. “The goal isn’t to follow rules perfectly ― it’s to create a home that supports your life today.”
There are benefits to the ‘ifs and buts’ rule — but also potential downsides.
“The benefit of the ‘ifs and buts’ approach is that it helps people organize around their real, present-day life instead of an imagined future,” Lark said. “It can reduce guilt and create clarity about what truly supports daily routines.”
Increased emotional awareness is another positive effect of following this framework, noted Dina Smith, a professional organizer and founder of Closet Therapy with Dina.
“The ‘ifs and buts’ rule helps people become more aware that they may be holding space for a version of themselves that may no longer fit,” she said. “Letting go of those items can create a sense of relief, clarity and self-acceptance. This sense of relief can be a form of emotional or mental decluttering.”
This process can also help people overcome their fears around letting go of stuff, which is ultimately empowering.
“Instead of letting fear drive your decluttering session, take a moment to feel proud of yourself for getting rid of an item that felt ‘if or but’-y,” Weinstock said. “It’s kind of liberating, isn’t it?”
On the other hand, the process might also take an emotional toll, so it’s important to be mindful.
“It may bring up grief or disappointment about goals that haven’t materialized,” Lark said. “That’s why this method works best when paired with compassion, reminding people that letting go of an item doesn’t mean giving up on themselves — it simply means making space for what actually fits their life right now.”
For those who struggle to get rid of anything, you might also start by putting your “ifs and buts” items into a “maybe” pile and revisiting later once you’ve tossed things that are easier to purge.
“Those ‘lower-hanging fruit’ will give the client confidence to go back to their ‘maybe’ pile and generally let those things go,” Weinstock said.
If you try the “ifs and buts” rule, try to let go of self-criticism and lead with a sense of curiosity and acceptance.
“This is a gentler approach,” Smith said. “When people understand that their space should support who they are now, not who they think they should be, decluttering becomes less about loss and more about freedom.”
Resist the urge to treat the “ifs and buts” rule like some infallible commandment, however.
“I’ve seen firsthand, after working with thousands of people, how ‘simple’ organizing rules can make people feel badly if they can’t follow them,” Zaslow noted. “It reinforces their thoughts that organizing is a difficult skill and can exacerbate feelings of shame and inadequacy when they can’t master it.”
She recommended viewing it as an organizing “tool,” rather than a rule. “Ifs and buts” can provide helpful guidance or a framework for decluttering decisions, but it’s OK if you’re not vibing with that approach.
“There’s a reason that there’s more than one tool in a toolbox ― and countless types and sizes of hammers,” Zaslow emphasized. “Don’t take organizing rules too literally, and just use what’s useful to you.”