Travel & Lifestyle: 5 Things I Expect From My Guests When I Host A Party

Well, here we are. The year’s end is approaching and, yet again, I am knee deep in planning a meal that can feed 12 people, finding the right candles that represent my personal brand — whatever that may be — and calculating how many bottles of wine to pick up from Costco without fighting anyone in line.

Similarly to the moments after I gave birth to my first daughter, every year after my annual Christmas party, I whisper to myself, “never again.” And just like that, you have another child, and another holiday party. I adore hosting, but at the end of December, I swear up and down that I’ll never host again, never drink again, and that next year is my time to get those abs I know are hidden somewhere.

I think it is safe to say my closest group of friends enjoys (nay, expects) this annual party. I refuse to disappoint people I love dearly, so I’m elated to host over and over again.

But my guests don’t get off that easy. I expect a few things from my nearest and dearest in regards to a dinner party. Nothing should elicit anyone to clutch their pearls, but if so, hold on tight.

Promptness is, yes, very important in life. Time is precious, and if someone is wasting that preciousness, that is — to me — punishable by many, many eyerolls and heavy sighs. But in the case of my Christmas party, I’m applauding a 5-to-10-minute delay.

If the invitation states the party begins at 7 p.m., showing up on the dot can be stressful if I’m still basting a turkey or slicing vegetables for a salad (read: reheating chicken cacciatore I bought from a local catering company) so, take a beat between parking your car or getting out of your Uber. Tie your shoe in slow-motion, if need be. A slight delay means your host has a little wiggle room.

Etiquette expert Mariah Grumet, the founder and instructor of Old Soul Etiquette, says using a 10-minute delay is the acceptable thing to do. “For a social event such as a Christmas party, the proper etiquette is to aim to arrive on time or within 10-15 minutes of the invitation time. It would be considered poor etiquette to arrive at someone’s social event early, as you’d want to give your host every last second to put their finishing touches on their event. Beyond 15 minutes would simply be considered late, which is definitely rude to your host! There is a sweet spot, and for your 7 p.m. party, that is 7-7:15 p.m., not 6:59 p.m.”

Depending on the level of your party (potluck, family style, fully catered) you might have people ask, “Can I bring anything?” This is a lovely notion, but a conflicting one. While I’d love not to make dessert or put together a salad on top of everything else that needs to be done, I’m not necessarily going to dole out roles for my friends, either. Instead, I’d love someone to just claim a dish. “I make a mean charcuterie board, can I bring that?” would actually alleviate a lot of my stress and financial burden of hosting.

Transferring a piping-hot lasagna might not be in the cards, but a lot of dishes can easily be prepared ahead or, at the very least, out of the host’s way — even if that means cutting cucumbers in a laundry room.

In conjunction with offering to bring something, if you know other people are drinking alcoholic beverages, you can bring an option to be shared among the guests. Something bottled is the obvious choice: wine, beer or champagne.

Hosting can add up quickly and alcohol is a fairly big factor in that. Contributing to the communal pile is always appreciated. And, if it’s not touched or open, snag it back if you wish!

While I believe this is absolutely appropriate in a smaller setting and with close friends, etiquette aficionado Mariah Grumet does not: “As a guest, it is absolutely appropriate to ask your host what you can bring when you respond to their invitation. If they ask you to bring something to drink to share, or bring something you enjoy drinking (alcohol or not), by all means, bring it! If no one drinks it, I would advise leaving it as a bonus for your host.

“However, if your host insists that you do not bring anything, you want to respect their wishes. There’s a good chance they planned out their menu and you don’t want to spring something on them that they were not expecting. In this case, it’s best to bring a gift they can open at a later time, such as a festive set of cocktail napkins.”

An under-appreciated stressor in the art of hosting is the omnipresent question, will everyone get along? As a guest who doesn’t know many people, entering a house full of friends sends you right back to the elementary school playground. So let’s put this in writing.

Guests, won’t you please engage in interesting and meaningful conversation with each other?! Inclusion seems to be taught to children and teenagers (or attempted, at the very least), but what about in adulthood? Sit down next to someone you don’t know and engage! Be it the year(s) of COVID isolation, the comfort in the known or laziness, it seems people have stopped engaging in new interactions.

Hanna Ray Flores and Lea Raymond are the duo behind Hauste, a website dedicated to helping you host the best party. They have some enlightening insight into how to make guests feel comfortable during an intimate dinner party. First, “always offer your guest a beverage upon entering. A drink in hand can break the ice and spark comfort,” they said. Always have a few good dinner party questions in your back pocket: “If conversation is falling flat, don’t hesitate to pull out your go-to dinner party questions like, ‘What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?’ or ‘What is your dream dinner party guest list, dead or alive?’ While it may seem silly to have such ice breaker questions, they usually snowball into conversation that isn’t as easy to catch in a bottle.”

When people start clearing plates, that means the party is over. And it actually doesn’t help me that much when people stay to “clean.” I suppose loading the dishwasher is nice, but I prefer to clean by myself once everyone has left. If you’re asking me where the dishwasher pods are or where a certain platter lives in what cabinet, that is just more work for me. Truth be told — and against my husband’s best wishes — I leave the big-ticket items for the next day because, to me, those dirty dishes aren’t going anywhere.