SATIRE NEWS: Users React To Omegle Shutting Down

“Guess I’ll have to go back to looking at teenagers through a paper towel tube with my pants around my ankles.”

“God, really? That was the first place I ever got groomed.”

“As a seventh-grader, I think what parents don’t understand is that Omegle was mostly just a cool place for teens to go and get molested.”

“So there’s basically nowhere on the internet to masturbate anymore?”

“Wait, wait, wait, just keep it up a little bit longer, I’m so close!”

“Oh no! Now the only place left to see strange men’s penises is public transit, the office, the sidewalk, bars, clubs, restaurants, circuses, and golf courses.”

“I don’t think there will ever be another website that gives you the opportunity to get off to so many background interiors in rapid succession.”

“Great, what the hell is my toddler supposed to watch on the iPad now?”

“If kids want to meet perverts, they should do what I used to do and walk at night through the woods.”

“Omegle gave child sexual abuse platforms a bad name.”

“U look so sexy. Pull out your big COCK and click this link to chat on me: bxtixly.trzz/28492.”

“But that’s where I was going to announce my run for president.”

“It’s a sad day. I met my 13-year-old wife on Omegle.”

“They can take away Omegle, but they can’t take away my exposed penis.”

“Somehow, they never figured out a way to monetize the experience of a man with an erect penis shouting racial slurs at strangers.”

“I prefer sexually harassing women on Twitter anyway.”

“I knew interacting with other people was just a fad.”

“Fine, I will take my uncircumcised micropenis elsewhere then, thank you very much.”

“O God, why hast thou forsaken the perverts?”

“Back to the low-tech version of masturbating outside strangers’ windows.”