SATIRE NEWS: Unclear What The Fuck Poet On About

BRATTLEBORO, VT—Expressing frustration with the writer’s ambiguous imagery and nonlinear writing style, sources confirmed Monday that it was unclear what the fuck the poet they were reading was on about. “He keeps describing the ‘bright ovals’ of someone’s eyes, but he never says who the person is or how we’re supposed to feel about her—it’s total bullshit,” said reader Kelsey Graves, telling reporters the dickhead poet had left no indication why his untitled poem was written in all lowercase letters or why it used dashes and no other punctuation. “Christ, come on, some of these lines have like 10 words in them, and then these three are just the word ‘falling’ repeated again and again. What the hell? Then, over here, he’s putting a goddamn line break between “wheel” and “barrow” like a total fucking maniac.”  At press time, Graves had reportedly decided to just chalk the poem up to being about the death of America’s innocence and call it a day.