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SATIRE NEWS: U.S. Pledges To Reduce Reliance On Energy Siphoned

SATIRE NEWS: U.S. Pledges To Reduce Reliance On Energy Siphoned From Unconscious Americans Living In Simulation

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WASHINGTON—As part of an effort to wean the nation off its uneconomical primary fuel source, the White House pledge Friday to reduce U.S. reliance on energy siphoned from unconscious Americans living in a simulation. “By 2050, the United States will switch to more sustainable and efficient power sources, no longer relying on energy drained from dormant humans mentally residing in a computer-programmed world,” said President Biden, adding that the process for phasing out use of humans who live their lives in a dreamlike virtual reality while their permanently comatose forms are suspended in gel-filled pods would begin early next year. “Now is the time to switch focus from the costly torpid bodies that produce dangerous carbon dioxide emissions to alternatives that are more cost-efficient and have a longer lifespan. Over the next 10 years alone, we hope to decrease the number of unconscious Americans generating the country’s electricity to as few 10 million citizens.” Biden added that during the transition, the inert Americans would be unplugged from power grids and disposed of in an environmentally friendly manner.



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