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SATIRE NEWS: Qatar World Cup Games To Cut Off Human

SATIRE NEWS: Qatar World Cup Games To Cut Off Human Sales After 75th Minute

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DOHA, QATAR—Unveiling several policies for the upcoming international soccer tournament, the nation of Qatar announced Sunday that its World Cup stadiums would cut off human sales after the 75th minute of each soccer match. “We want fans to enjoy themselves, but we also want to provide a safe environment, so get your human purchases in early,” said Qatar’s World Cup ambassador, Khalid Salman, ending speculation over whether the host country might completely ban the sale of human beings at its eight tournament stadiums. “We’re pleased to offer a wide selection of people—we’ve got Indians, Nepalese, Bangladeshis, and many more to choose from. We simply ask that you plan ahead so that, after the game, we can ensure spectators are able to exit the stadium in an orderly fashion and get home safely with their purchases. We’re also limiting sales to two humans per purchase, but don’t worry—you can come back as many times as you like. Whether you’re buying your person for forced labor or prostitution, we just ask that you do it in moderation.” Qatari officials added that there would also be a strict no-tolerance policy against fans bringing their own slaves into the game.



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