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SATIRE NEWS: Professor Invites Student Over To House For Private

SATIRE NEWS: Professor Invites Student Over To House For Private Ethics Violation

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SWARTHMORE, PA—Hinting that she would greatly benefit from some one-on-one manipulation, local English literature professor Darren Emerson reportedly invited one of his students over to his house Wednesday for a private ethics violation. “You’re one of my top students, and as such, I’d love to have you over so we can chat, discuss your progress, and forever violate the trust between student and teacher,” said Emerson, adding that he could only abuse his power so far in class, and some time alone away from lecture would really allow him to intimidate, exploit, and control her better. “It might sound unorthodox, but I really think a few hours alone without your classmates or other witnesses will allow us to more deeply explore some very interesting and dangerous moral quandaries. Frankly, I see a lot of potential in you as someone whose academic career I could totally and completely destroy. Why don’t we discuss it over a glass of wine and really delve into a grey area?” Emerson went on to give the student his personal phone number, but told her to keep it hush-hush so the other students currently pressing charges against him didn’t get jealous.



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