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SATIRE NEWS: Pete Buttigieg Neatly Files Flattened Possum Into Roadkill Folder

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WASHINGTON—Whistling a spirited tune as he tackled his inbox Friday, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was seen taking a flattened possum from a pile of work and neatly filing the remains in a folder labeled “Roadkill.” “There you go, right between pigeon and pronghorn antelope,” said the secretary, who had written down a federal highway number and mile marker in a department register before he stamped the word “PROCESSED” on the dead possum, returned the folder to a cabinet crawling with maggots, and slid the drawer shut. “Let’s see now, what about this bear? Looks like it got hit by a pretty big truck, but it’s still not squished enough to fit in the folder. Guess we’ll have to file this guy with the oversized records. Is there a big accordion file around here somewhere?” Later, upon realizing it was getting late, Buttigieg had reportedly placed a large stack of flattened rodents in his briefcase to finish up over the weekend.



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