WASHINGTON—Stressing that the big game wouldn’t be the same without the iconic ancient grains, the nation’s quinoa and spelt producers warned of shortages Friday as Americans stocked up for Super Bowl LVIII. “As usually happens this time of year, football fans are heading out to supermarkets nationwide to make sure they have enough nutritious whole grains to feed the boys during halftime,” said Ancient Harvest CEO John Becker, one of many food producers urging Americans to rush into organic food stores across the country and grab whatever armful of sorghum, amaranth, or chia that happens to still remain on the store shelves. “We’re hearing from experts that 2 to 3 billion pounds of kale will be consumed in the first quarter alone. Personally, I can’t imagine the betrayal my buddies would feel if I didn’t have my famous Gridiron Superfood Spirulina smoothie ready for kickoff. I’m not going to let them down.” Becker went on to stress that if they didn’t act soon, millions of Americans might have to settle for some sort of nutritionally unbalanced meat-based dish packed with sodium and saturated fats.