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SATIRE NEWS: Missouri Welcomes Women Unable To Get Arrested For

SATIRE NEWS: Missouri Welcomes Women Unable To Get Arrested For Abortion In Home State

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JEFFERSON CITY, MO—Pledging to remain a haven for residents of surrounding states if Roe v. Wade is overturned, Gov. Mike Parson announced Tuesday that Missouri will welcome any and all abortion seekers who travel there from their home state in order to get arrested. “We’re ready to welcome these abortion seekers with open arms and provide safe and immediate access to criminal charges that they won’t receive in their home state,” said the Republican governor, stressing that no one crossing Missouri state lines would need to provide medical information or explain why they needed the abortion, as his state would perform the arrests with “no questions asked” and without any exceptions for medical necessity, rape, or incest. “We aim to be a sanctuary in the Midwest for anyone who needs this service, and we find it unfair—and, frankly, unconstitutional—that our neighboring states are not making women’s imprisonment for reproductive care a top priority. Many of the women in need of these services are impoverished to begin with, and having to travel across state lines to seek punishment puts an undue burden on them and their families, which is why we’re currently funding a new initiative that would cover transportation costs to get these women into our custody as quickly and efficiently as possible. No one, no matter their circumstances in life, should fear the consequences of receiving an abortion and still having agency over their own life.” At press time, Parson signed an executive trigger law codifying the right to be put to death for inquiring about contraception.



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KNOWLEDGE is POWER / REAL NEWS is KEY
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