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SATIRE NEWS: Men Try To Guess Why They Give Women ‘The Ick’

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“The ick,” a term popularized by Generation Z, refers to a feeling of revulsion that suddenly develops toward a romantic interest. The Onion asked men to try to guess what makes women feel this way, and this is what they said.

Vic Mohn, Handyman

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“I’m not sure. I don’t actually read the police reports.”

Scott Green, Lawyer

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“I am starting to suspect that suing them on the first date is not as charming as I thought.”

Travis Carpenter, Delivery Driver

Travis Carpenter, Delivery Driver

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“Because feminism has brainwashed women into expecting men to bathe regularly.”

Tony Figueroa, Carpenter

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“It’s either that I slurp spaghetti or grope kids.”

Scott Planchard, Chef

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“I haven’t heard this directly from anyone, but I’ve noticed a pattern where women tend to turn cooler to me when I kidnap and imprison them for really any length of time at all.”

​Ted Watts, Sales Associate

​Ted Watts, Sales Associate

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“Beats me, and no woman ever tells me no matter how much I scream in their faces.”

Martin Schwartz, Farmer

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“I’ve been told my heartbeat sounds feminine.”

Ken Michaels, Marketing Executive

Ken Michaels, Marketing Executive

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“Probably sitting on the toilet while they’re on the toilet.”

Douglas Shermani, Banker

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“I think I sneezed once.”

David Goolsby, Lab Accessioner

David Goolsby, Lab Accessioner

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“I’m just glad we’ve found a way to make ‘It’s just not a good fit’ sound meaner.”

Jon Hersch, Bus Driver

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“I guess because my Borat impression isn’t accurate enough.”

Ralph Gunderson, Accountant

Ralph Gunderson, Accountant

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“My parents doomed me to this fate the second they named me Ralph.”

Duncan Breesome, Kindergartner

Duncan Breesome, Kindergartner

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“I understand that shouting ‘Olly olly oxen free!’ at the end of hide-and-seek is super cringe to them.”

Paul Hyde, Mechanic

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“Maybe it’s because when I’m on a date I’ve already quoted Andrew Tate twice before the appetizers arrive.”

Norman Patrick, Retired

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“I guess when you’ve been a creep for 60 years, word starts to get around.”

Kevin Palmer, Graphic Designer

Kevin Palmer, Graphic Designer

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“I actually think I’m great, and everyone in my evilwomensluts subreddit agrees.”

Nick Wilson, Waiter

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“Probably all of the felonies.”

You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…



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