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New York: Wednesday, September 28, 2022
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SATIRE NEWS: Martha’s Vineyard Residents React To DeSantis Flying Migrants

SATIRE NEWS: Martha’s Vineyard Residents React To DeSantis Flying Migrants To Island

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“Aye, I told my island brethren. I heard tell that a storm is a-brewin’, a storm of yon migrants comin’ ’pon us faster than the freezing rain of the bitterest nor’easter. I am a-fearin’ for mine little ones, as we hear how this mass of seething humanity be a-comin’ toward us faster than any whale slams his watery bulk ’pon a stout whaling ship. And then as I stood by me post, as I do in the lighthouse down at East Chop, a-waitin’ this seagoing vessel jammed with migrants, to breach our sandy shores, hopin’ it be exotic migrants from yon faraway lands of Ceylon or Zanzibar, what do I see but—good God, yon massive leering bird screaming through the very sky! What the blazes is this? I screamed to myself. Could it be real? Wherefore does Satan in all his cruel mystery invent such a terrifying metal bird speeding faster than any creature e’er I witnessed during my time on this earth?! I curse whoever defies God’s will by thrusting such a creature into the firmament, and I be settin’ sail this very morn with my family to flee this strange and cursèd new world.”



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