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SATIRE NEWS: Mars Introduces New Crab-Stuffed M&M’s

SATIRE NEWS: Mars Introduces New Crab-Stuffed M&M’s

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MCLEAN, VA—Stating that its latest confection was equally suitable as a movie snack or an hors-d’oeuvre, multinational candy manufacturer Mars Inc. announced Wednesday that it had begun selling a new savory crab-stuffed M&M. “At long last, classic varieties such as original, peanut, and almond will be joined by an M&M that pairs our beloved mouthwatering chocolate with a surprisingly powerful blast of flavor from a morsel of fresh-caught Alaskan crab,” a company press release read in part, noting that in addition to milk chocolate and 0.02 ounces of crab meat, each bite-sized piece included a dollop of cream cheese and a proprietary blend of Cajun-style herbs and spices inside a signature M&M candy shell. “Crab-stuffed M&M’s make a wonderful, complex amuse-bouche that can be enjoyed at any cocktail party or gathering of friends—especially when served alongside our bacon-wrapped Starbursts or 3-Musketeers-and-cheddar quiche cups. This sweet and salty, melt-in-your-mouth shellfish treat may also make your house the most popular stop in the neighborhood on Halloween!” An independent marketing survey later concluded that while most consumers had vomited after ingesting crab-stuffed M&M’s, the few who managed to keep them down had contracted foodborne illnesses that would eventually kill them.



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