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SATIRE NEWS: Man Stands Outside Corner Store Selling Loose Doritos For A Buck

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CHICAGO—Despite a crackdown by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to discourage the practice, local man Glen Marcus was reprimanded by authorities outside of a corner store Thursday for allegedly selling loose Doritos for a dollar. “Federal law prohibits anyone from selling loose corn chips outside of the full package,” said Officer Raymond Brodo, claiming police had video and eyewitness evidence that proved Marcus had purchased party-size bags of Cool Ranch Doritos in Indiana, where taxes were significantly lower, and then driven them back to Illinois, where he distributed them individually and at a large markup. “Marcus tells people they’re being ripped off by purchasing Doritos inside the corner store, where they have to shell out the price of a full bag of chips, and then he offers to sell them a single chip for $1. Not only does he make a huge profit on the illegal resale, but we’ve seen him selling chips to minors far too young to be buying snacks for themselves.” At press time, Marcus had reportedly moved his operation to a nearby train station, where he was trying to sell passengers one-dollar individual bites of a chocolate bar.

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