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SATIRE NEWS: Irresponsible Millennial Wasting Money On Coffee Instead Of Pulling Out Gun And Robbing Everyone In Store

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SUNNYVALE, CA—Shaking their heads at the 32-year-old’s typical lack of financial savvy, sources confirmed Thursday that irresponsible millennial Sean Drever was wasting money on coffee instead of pulling out a handgun and robbing everyone in the store. “He’s reaching into his jacket for his wallet to buy yet another $6 latte, when he should be reaching into his waistband, pulling out a pistol, and screaming, ‘Everybody down on the fucking floor!’” said one onlooker, who remarked that it was a shame that younger generations seemed to simply have no interest in building wealth through the hard work of armed robbery. “It might not seem like a lot at the time, but $10 from the tip jar and a few hundred from the cash register can really add up fast. That’s not to mention all the money in the customers’ wallets. With this guy’s mindset, it’s no wonder he’ll never break into a house.” Sources added that when they were young, they weren’t afraid to put in the effort of blowing off someone’s kneecap and demanding they shut up and empty their pockets.



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