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SATIRE NEWS: Inflation Forcing More Americans To Choose Between Buying

SATIRE NEWS: Inflation Forcing More Americans To Choose Between Buying Groceries, Aston Martin DBS

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WASHINGTON—Revealing the punishing extent to which consumers were feeling the strain of rising prices, a new study from the Pew Research Center found Tuesday that inflation was forcing more Americans to choose between buying groceries or an Aston Martin DBS. “With the prices of supermarket staples like milk and bread at all-time highs, we’re seeing more families faced with making the difficult decision between eating dinner and going 0 to 62 miles per hour in 3.2 seconds,” said study author Celina Goodman, whose report found that 45% of all Americans had adjusted their grocery budgets in order to afford the $330,600 sports car. “It’s cutting back on the number of meals you have each week, or forgoing a twin-turbocharged engine with 715 horsepower. Millions of families are even considering downgrading to a Maserati, or something even less luxurious. It’s heartbreaking, but there are a lot of parents sending their kids to bed hungry.” At press time, Goodman added that rising gas prices had left 30% of Americans stranded in their grand tourers on the side of the highway.



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