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SATIRE NEWS: Highlights From The Heritage Foundation’s ‘Project 2025’

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Several high-ranking members of Donald Trump’s former administration recently released a stunning, highly detailed document outlining how they would overhaul the federal government should he be reelected president. The following are the biggest takeaways from the Heritage Foundation’s 922-page political playbook designed to bolster Trump’s power.

Immigration through Ticketmaster: By privatizing immigration, it ensures all immigrants pay the service fee, order processing fee, and the occasional surge pricing fees.
Dog militia: Every dog will receive a firearm to defend their country from tyrannical oppression.
A must-try pesto recipe: Included on page 635 of the manifesto is a step-by-step guide for recreating Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts’ irresistible family pasta sauce.
Official designation of the president as “America’s dad”: Project 2025 includes a chart showing the proposed family tree of the country, which would make Donald Trump the dad and all Americans his kids.
Replace 30,000 federal employees with Eric Trump: He’ll run the Departments of Energy, Interior, and Labor while the Defense and the Joint Chiefs will be replaced by Tiffany.
Mandatory embassy status for every McDonald’s: All franchises would be extraterritorial, sovereign lands of the United States of America, regardless of location.
Bring back Gulags: But with a more American sounding name.



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