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SATIRE NEWS: Everyone At Café Disgusted To See Parent Spanking Crying Busboy Like That

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MINNEAPOLIS—Condemning the father for resorting to such a harsh and outdated treatment for an innocent front-of-house worker, patrons at the Culpepper Café told reporters Friday they were disgusted to see a parent spanking his crying busboy like that. “Jeez, just because he takes away your nacho platter before you’re totally done, you resort to physically punishing him? The poor kid doesn’t know any better!” said diner Sandra Knutson, describing her visceral repulsion at seeing the busser bent over the father’s knee and reduced to tears as he was repeatedly slapped across the rear end. “I would never treat my busboy that way. Sure, maybe I’d yell at him a little or tell him he’s been a very bad busboy and he ought to have his wages withheld until he learns to behave better. But watching this makes me feel like I’m in a diner back in the 1950s.” At press time, the busboy had reportedly run away from the restaurant and was last seen digging around in a back alley dumpster, where he bussed whatever scraps of food he could find and left the trash receptacle spic-and-span.



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