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SATIRE NEWS: Encouraging Report Finds Most Of Planet Will Still

SATIRE NEWS: Encouraging Report Finds Most Of Planet Will Still Be Habitable In 2023

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NEW YORK—Reversing long-held theories about the potentially devastating effects of climate change, scientists published an encouraging report Monday that found most of the planet would still be habitable in 2023. “While many are understandably nervous about the future of our rapidly changing world, our data optimistically suggests that Earth will largely be able to continue to sustain human life through much of next year,” said lead researcher Dr. Jessie Lansing, adding that promising models showed that rising sea levels, destructive weather events, and increased temperatures would largely not cause widespread extinction among Earth’s population within the next 365 days. “The findings are still preliminary, but we are confident in saying that by 2023, at least 50% of Earth will not yet be destroyed by mass extinctions, famine, fires, diseases, or floods. Contrary to many doomsday scenarios, humanity will continue to exist on Earth until at least 2024—and maybe even longer, if we’re lucky.” At press time, Lansing added that the encouraging findings also indicated that human life could continue on as normal for as long as the next 24 to 48 hours.



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