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Image for article titled Poll: Democrats Trail Trump Whether They Replace Biden With Biden, Biden, Or Biden

SATIRE NEWS: Democrats Trail Trump Whether They Replace Biden With Biden, Biden, Or Biden

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CAMBRIDGE, MA—In a Harvard CAPS / Harris poll conducted in the wake of the first presidential debate, new data revealed that any alternative Democratic candidate was likely to lose to former President Donald Trump, regardless of whether President Joe Biden was replaced as the nominee with Joe Biden, Joe Biden, or Joe Biden. “In every hypothetical matchup, Trump comes out almost four points ahead of Biden’s potential replacements, including current favorite Biden, the rising star Biden, and even a dark horse candidate, like Biden,” pollster Jen Gresham said Tuesday, adding that with just a few weeks left before the Democratic National Convention, the party would have to decide soon whether it wanted to stay the course with Joe Biden or risk choosing one of five potential Joe Bidens to replace him. “So far, neither Biden, Biden, nor Biden has publicly stepped up and said he’d be willing to replace Joe Biden. But even if one of them did, and got the full support of Biden, it still wouldn’t be enough. At this point, every potential Biden’s association with Biden is simply too damaging.” Gresham added that given the narrow odds of beating Trump this November, Biden should instead put his energy into finding another Biden to win back the presidency in 2028.



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