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New York: Monday, July 15, 2024
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Image for article titled Democratic Ad Claims Doddering, Out-Of-It Biden Will Let Nation Get Away With Whatever Crazy Shit It Wants

SATIRE NEWS: Democratic Ad Claims Doddering, Out-Of-It Biden Will Let Nation Get Away With Whatever Crazy Shit It Wants

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WASHINGTON—With the party’s candidate facing increased pressure to step down after a disastrous debate performance, the Democratic National Committee released a commercial Monday that claims a doddering, out-of-it President Joe Biden will let the nation get away with whatever crazy shit it wants. “This guy is out to lunch, and he won’t do anything to stop you from making your wildest, most fucked-up dreams a reality,” a voiceover says in the 30-second nationwide spot, which features an unbroken shot of a confused Biden as it asks viewers whether they think someone this mentally checked-out will care if they want to legalize black tar heroin, driving drunk on highways, or having sex with livestock. “Go ahead, pass a bill making cannibalism legal! If Biden hears about it, he’s just going to smile, give a thumbs-up, and walk away without knowing what the hell is going on. Or, hey, break into Timothée Chalamet’s house, steal his identity, and star in Dune: Part Three. Who’s going to stop you? Biden’s just going to be eating an ice cream cone for the next four years, if he lives that long. His second term is going to be a blast. Just vote Biden in November.” The ad ends with the president stating that he endorses the message and then the voiceover confirming that this is exactly the shit it was talking about.



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