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SATIRE NEWS: Dad Loses Patience After Providing Several Seconds Of Emotional Support

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MUSKEGON, MI—Letting out an emphatic sigh as the boy began crying, local dad Harry Moran reportedly lost his patience Wednesday after providing his child with several continuous seconds of emotional support. “Oh, come on, are we still talking about this? I just said I was proud of you, for God’s sake!” the 44-year-old man yelled at his son Jacob after muting the television to spend nearly a minute listening to the teenager open up about his anxieties and a full 10 seconds offering encouragement. “I told you that your mother and I will always love you no matter what—is there really anything else you need to hear? If it’ll stop the waterworks, I guess I can add something about how we’ll support you in whatever decision you ultimately make, but I shouldn’t fucking have to. This is complete horseshit!” At press time, Moran screamed that he was going to finish watching the game at the bar after the family dog nuzzled up to him expecting to be pet.



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