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SATIRE NEWS: Brits Take Turns Mourning Atop Queen’s Bucking Casket

SATIRE NEWS: Brits Take Turns Mourning Atop Queen’s Bucking Casket

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LONDON—Paying solemn respects to their long-serving monarch, thousands of Brits reportedly lined up Friday to take turns mourning Queen Elizabeth II atop her bucking casket. “As is customary, the queen will lie in state for four days, allowing the public a personal, one-on-one moment to bid farewell, for as long as they can stay on top of Her rootin’-tootin’ Majesty,” said a Westminster Hall official, noting that while the line to ride the casket was five miles long at the moment, it tended to move quickly because most mourners only managed to last four to six seconds before they were thrown off the wildly rocking hydraulic coffin. “So far the record is a meager 18 seconds, but it will mean so much to Elizabeth’s grieving subjects to have the chance to saddle up and give ’er hell. Both local and international cowpokes are gathering in the U.K., eager to show off their riding chops as they bid adieu to a remarkable woman. Many local vendors are offering complimentary flowers and small trinkets for visitors to hold with the hand that must remain in the air as the other grips the casket, lest their remembrance be disqualified.” At press time, the royal family announced that, as a token of their gratitude, whoever stayed atop the queen the longest would be awarded a coupon for a free 72-oz. Texas porterhouse at Monday’s state funeral.



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