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SATIRE NEWS: Bankrupt Red Lobster Runs All-You-Can-Grab Copper Wiring Promotion

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ORLANDO, FL—Calling the campaign a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that would leave customers satisfied and “go easy on their wallets,” bankrupt restaurant chain Red Lobster launched a $19.99 all-you-can-grab copper wiring promotion Monday at all of its locations. “Today, we’re rolling out an incredible deal for anyone who wants to stock up on a few hundred feet of copper wire without breaking the bank,” company spokesperson Peter Wyeth said of the offer that allows patrons to enter any of its approximately 600 remaining restaurants, take a sledgehammer to the plaster walls, and tear out as much ductile metal as they can carry. “Come back for seconds, thirds, or even fourths, folks. Heck, grab any stray appliances or grease while you’re at it. We’re talking a few thousand bucks for a night’s work, easy. We’re running this incredible deal around the clock while supplies last, so I’d recommend rolling in between midnight and daybreak!” Wyeth quickly added that the company’s Chapter 11 filing absolved Red Lobster of any legal responsibility for injuries sustained while fending off meth addicts or security guards.



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