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SATIRE NEWS: Americans Explain Why The U.S. Has Never Been A Racist Country

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During a recent interview, Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley said that America had “never been a racist country.” The Onion asked Americans why our history has always been color-blind, and this is what they said.

Harold Lucas, Retired

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“If we’re so racist, you’d think someone would’ve committed a racist act by now.”

Ashley Moreno, Chef

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“Thomas Jefferson wrote that ‘all men are created equal’ and never did anything else as far as I know.”

Bridget Tate, Homemaker

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“Show me one book that says otherwise. Or several. In list form, please. No particular reason.”

Paul Gruber, Warehouse Manager

Paul Gruber, Warehouse Manager

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“America is not a racist country, but a federation of racist states.”

Bianca Mir, Truck Driver

Image for article titled Americans Explain Why The U.S. Has Never Been A Racist Country

“Have you ever met a slave? Didn’t think so.”

Teddy Bryant, Lifeguard

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“I’ve never faced any discrimination for being 3% Cherokee.”

Marty Gilman, Sales Associate

Marty Gilman, Sales Associate

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“This so-called racist nation is the same one that gave Black Americans their own exclusive water fountains.”

Patricia Wayne, Personal Chef

Patricia Wayne, Personal Chef

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“Why else would Martin Luther King so eloquently say that racism was a fiction and we should get on with our lives?”

Lily Rhodes, Bank Teller

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“I think this 90-second PragerU cartoon can explain the concept better than me or anyone else.”

Susan Combs, Teacher

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“How many times do I have to cite very selective lines from the Constitution before people understand this?”

Charles Hampton, Park Ranger

Charles Hampton, Park Ranger

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“America has always been a land of opportunity for all different types of land-owning white men.”

Angelo Townsend, Barista

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“Does the United States discriminate against non-white people? Sure. But is it racist? Nah, probably not.”

Rory Bond, Optician

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“It’s not racism when it’s accidental, which is what slavery, Jim Crow, and every modern hate crime are.”

Rachel O’Hara, Bartender

Rachel O’Hara, Bartender

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“All egalitarian societies begin with mass genocide.”

Rod Richards, Pilot

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“My great-grandfather loved his slaves.”

Bianca Underwood, Meteorologist

Bianca Underwood, Meteorologist

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“Most of our mass shooters target very diverse crowds of innocent people.”

Sarah Fowler, Travel Agent

Sarah Fowler, Travel Agent

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“We gave them jobs, didn’t we?”

You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…



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