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SATIRE NEWS: Alito, Thomas Share Laugh After Discovering They Both

SATIRE NEWS: Alito, Thomas Share Laugh After Discovering They Both Leaked Dobbs Decision

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WASHINGTON—Pointing at each other and shouting as huge grins formed on their faces, Supreme Court Justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas shared a long laugh this week after discovering they had both leaked the decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization. “Wait, you leaked the Dobbs majority opinion to Politico back in May? But I leaked the Dobbs majority opinion to Politico back in May!” said Alito, who, through sharp gasps between raucous belly laughs, added how uncanny it was that they both—on the exact same day—posed as an aide, leaked the exact same draft of an upcoming opinion overturning Roe v. Wade, and then tried to pin it on the exact same unspecified clerks when allegations came to light. “Seriously, what are the odds? Plus, neither of us have even gotten close to getting caught. Wait. You’re going to blackmail me? I’m going to blackmail you! Twinsies!” After simultaneously wiping away tears of joy and agreeing to get a beer, Alito and Thomas both acknowledged that they should have known they leaked the same decision after they both harassed the same aides.



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