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Shove “Give my regards to Broadway.” Now locals are saying hello to outposts like whereverthehell’s Kansas.
Residents, transplants, rich, poor, people born in NY, choosing NY, wanting to live here — work here, love here — are leaving.
Up to their behinds in Zero Crapdammy, plus the cost, taxes, homeless, unprotected NYPD, trash, traffic, bicycles, dog poop.
One’s moving to Dublin. Ireland? No, Ohio. Who knew we had a Dublin, Ohio?! Who’d even drink their local beer? And how often you vacation in Berlin, Conn.? Better maybe Delhi in the Catskills? Homemade lasagna in downtown Fallsburg? Or Madras, Ore., where the paella’s as high as a tsetse’s eye?
Residents are taking their wallets to outposts. I mean Kansas City, Mo.? Even natives born there don’t stay there. I hear cops born in Kansas City live in Reno — and they commute.
Try Athens, Ga., or the little apple called Manhattan, Kan. Maybe Rome, NY.? Paris, Texas? If you’re into Egyptian King Tut, do a B&B in Memphis, Tenn.
How about New York’s Catskills? Like Cairo, NY. Upstate. No major schlep from wherever you live now. Established in 1803, only a few little bankruptcies after Manhattan. For sale at this moment, nice house for $199,900. And near the shopping area, which is big with vintage toys, beeswax candles and handmade soap.
Want a warmer climate? How’s Birmingham, Ala.? Established 1871. Known for iron and steel. Housing’s around $180,000. Median income $46,000.
So, everyone, stop kvetching. I have just organized what it will be like for you to move from Bergdorfs — as long as it’s still there.
Listen, it beats Cairo, NY.
Sedaka led uptempo life
We just lost Neil Sedaka.
How well did I know him? Let me count the ways.
He met his beautiful forever wife Leba at Esther Manor in Monticello. He was singing. She was there. I had bagels at their house during his little party for 100 at their Park Avenue duplex. I remember him being upgraded from tourist class to first on Olympic Airlines. He opened for Joan Rivers at Caesars Palace. He was an honorary Santa for Volunteers of America. We were together at Winston Churchill’s memorial lunch at the Pierre.
I appreciated this talented man through all his years — the starry good ones and the not such great ones.
Hoppy shopping
For those still shopping here, stores are already pushing Easter goodies. Century 21 is hustling “hundreds of dresses, handbags, sunglasses, shoes at 65% off retail,” next week. It’s advertising new arrivals, all off-price. Just letting you know. Just trying to help.
Wait. More great buys. Still palpitating about a Birkin? Freeman’s Auction House in Palm Beach pushed a Birkin 30, Himalayan croc with palladium pulls. Stick a Brink’s truck in your wallet. Starting bid was $45,000. Canal Street will copy it cheaper.
Voice of reason
Hank Azaria: “I’m worried about AI. This is my job. What I love to do. A voice is not just a sound. My voices are layered impressions experiencing my own memories and observations. All goes into creating a voice. How’s a computer conjure up all that?”
Two sardines took a trip into Manhattan. One said: “Let’s take the subway.” The other sardine said: “What?! And be squeezed in like people?!”