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Roastmaster heats up B’way
Despite Broadway’s aging retreads comes the Nederlander Theatre’s newie “Take a Banana for the Ride.” Co-producer Marc Cornstein took me to see it. Just opened and every seat had a behind in it.
No gigantic cast. Just one dude — written and performed by comedian Jeff Ross. Lasts 75ish minutes — just enough to lead the conga line to the ladies’ room.
Funny, a pro, Ross knows how to throw a joke. He wore a custom suit. Bright yellow. Not what you’d probably find in Putin’s closet. Trotting up and down the stage like a caged lion, his props are framed wall paintings to whom he talks — and who talk back.
If you’re a foreigner — or worse, an out-of-towner like from Jersey — and maybe don’t know him, Jeff started writing this show 30 years ago, hadn’t the gizzard to go forward with it “but events in my life gave me the push to bring it back.”
He’s good. I was married to a comedian for centuries, so I can finish a joke before it leaves someone’s throat. He says, “If you like your comedy watered down, now’s your chance to sneak out and give your ticket to a homeless person who needs air conditioning.”
I saw the show before it opened. Marc Cornstein’s father is USA’s former ambassador to Hungary, and my longtime friend, David Cornstein.
Go. You’ll love it. If you pay for the ticket, I’ll go again.
Professional perk
I just heard an old story. In high-school, Sandra Bullock was voted “Most Likely to Brighten Up Your Day.” She then discovered she’s allergic to horses. Disadvantage. Why? She was up for the lead in 1999’s “Runaway Bride” but one key scene required her to flee a wedding on horseback. They used Julia Roberts instead and the thing turned out to be a smash. Also, Sandra, as a kid, got her nose broken when her younger sister, Gesine, opened a garage door quickly and smacked her in the face with it. Maybe this is to show how we all overcome life’s difficulties. Maybe.
Protection details revealed
Michael Matranga: “We become criminal investigators through the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center.” It’s weeks and weeks of training.
“It’s defensive tactics, both standing or on the ground. We shoot multiple weapons —pistol, shotgun, rifle. How to deploy from your vehicle, how to operate outdoors, indoors and, most difficult, how to advance. That’s the bread and butter of protective work.
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“Difficult working with foreign heads of state. Their customs are not same as ours.”
Additional trouble comes if there’s an issue of drugs — but this we don’t even mention.
Stiff competition
So, meanwhile, I interviewed a regular — a regular regular — at a nudist camp. It was their annual masquerade ball. Meanwhile, even though the guys wore masks, I was told that “Somehow these gals were still able to identify them.”
New York. One of the busiest cities in the world. Where something is always happening. And most of it goes unsolved.
Only in New York, kids only in New York.