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We can’t for-Goetz, but try
Topsy turvy. In/out. Up/down. Left/right. What, which, how our country is today, who knows. I only know what it was when it worked.
Newspapers wrote recently about the “subway vigilante” — 1984’s Bernie Goetz. I lived inside that story. I was there. In the courtroom. Repeatedly in Goetz’s 14th Street apartment accompanied by his now-retired brilliant attorney Barry Slotnick plus Bernie’s then-permanent houseguest — a live chinchilla.
After a quick time in prison, this subway gunman — sporting a marijuana drawing on a T-shirt — told me he wanted a pardon. Said the eccentric vigilante we’re still dissecting and whose trial fried half of America, “I want to run for mayor.”
He then disappeared to tend a wounded squirrel he’d named Crème Puff.
On an anniversary of the shooting, this electronics guy told me: “People say it was opposite racial problems and we were reverse pariahs — whites against him, blacks against me.”
So what’s it like after a high profile gets lots of hate directed at him?
“In my case, it made me a better person. I therefore consider the whole thing an uplifting, educational, improving experience.”
Even without shooting four punks, Bernie Goetz is just not your average everyday dude. So his life these days?
“I’m now a better person. And definitely a better vegetarian. And I’m taking care of squirrels. One I found in Union Square Park. I feed him and he comes back to me. I don’t train him. I teach him. Train is for something wild. My definition of ‘wild’ is a creature that eats another creature.”
Yeah, OK, so you marking this in some way?
“I think maybe we stage a re-enactment or have some get-together with the jury. Or I’ll do nothing. The press has called but I don’t plan on speaking with them.”
I then watched the chinchilla walk on my coat.
Making yourself a ‘shah’
REZA Farahan is on Bravo’s “Shahs of Sunset.” It chronicles wealthy Persian-Americans and he reps the LGBTQ+ community. Born in Tehran, he’s a prominent Persian-American. Reza: “When uprisings started, my parents, who were here on vacation with me, decided to never look back. I was 3. I told my parents I wanted to be a shah. They said this would never happen. So I got myself on TV as the shah of Sunset Boulevard and was a hit on Bravo. Happened when a friend invited me to a party where I met a guy who had the idea of making a show around Persian people. Mother’s Muslim, father’s Jewish and being gay is not acceptable in Middle Eastern culture. So I felt like a unicorn on an island all by myself. I told people we’re the good Iranians. We love this country. Listen, Beverly Hills is 50% Iranian. We are the No. 1 highest achieving minority group assimilating in America.” His book “Memoirs of a Gay Shah” is out April 7.
Hicks getting hip
The hicks are tired of being called hicks. Got it!? So Opie from Mayberry is straightening us out. Ron Howard’s Imagine Entertainment and Land O’Lakes are partnering on something called Modern Rural Collective. City folk translation: Shove outdated rural stereotypes and “promote nuanced, contemporary portrayals of small-town America” across film and TV projects. So shove the “Beverly Hillbillies” reboot. Dig?
Jewish people beware. Soon enough comes Passover. And today’s matzos is thinner and smaller. Just letting you know. Another thing to know: A happiness-at-Father’s-Day type of present is a table in Atlantic City — that will take gift certificates.
And that’s not just in New York kids, not just in New York.