GOSSIP & RUMORS: 2025 Oscars were slow — but were saved by ‘Anora’ and Conan

People act like a nearly four-hour Oscars is some undeniable fact of life. The sun rises in the east, the sky is blue, the Oscars take one-sixth of a day.

But 30 minutes could’ve oh so easily been cut from Sunday night’s strange and sloooow Academy Awards.

Why, exactly, did Margaret Qualley dance during a pointless tribute to James Bond that featured godawful covers of “Diamonds Are Forever” and “Live and Let Die”?

Why, exactly, did Queen Latifah belt “Ease on Down the Road” from “The Wiz” as a tribute to Quincy Jones?

Why, exactly, did “Wicked” stars Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande perform a “Wizard of Oz”-themed medley of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” “Home” and “Defying Gravity?”

Friends, I have no idea.

All of that stuff should’ve been axed. The broadcast had a perfect host in the hilarious Conan O’Brien, a fun little-engine-that-could-narrative in Best Picture winner “Anora” and a forgiving 7 p.m. EST start time.

But Oscar kept shooting himself in the foot, as only he knows best.

Regardless of the needless frills, it was euphoric to watch the indie gem “Anora,” the finest movie of 2024, win Best Picture — even if it took the flight time of a trip to Denver for it to happen.

With a budget of just $6 million, “Anora” is the lowest-budget top Oscar winner ever. Some attendees’ guest houses cost more.  

But voters embraced the tagline of the New York-set dramedy: “Follow your heart.” Director Sean Baker alone snapped up four awards (Picture, Editing, Screenplay and Directing) — tying a single-night record held for decades by Walt Disney.

Does it get more 2025 than Mickey Mouse being in a dead heat with a flick that begins in a topless bar?

Behold, the upset of the decade: “Anora’s” 25-year-old star Mikey Madison toppled favorite Demi Moore, 62, who before tonight was enjoying the biggest prestige moment of her career with the body-horror movie “The Substance.”

That good time came to a crashing halt when presenter Emma Stone uttered the words “Mikey Madison.” Moore didn’t even bother to fake a smile.

“I grew up in Los Angeles, but Hollywood always felt so far away from me,” the talented winner humbly said in a short speech.

There were no brief remarks from Adrien Brody, though. The brilliant star of “The Brutalist” took home his second Oscar over Timothée Chalamet of “A Complete Unknown,” and talked and talked and talked. They tried to play him off, but he wouldn’t have it. Somewhere, right now, the man is still talking.

Kieran Culkin (“A Real Pain”) and Zoe Saldana (“Emilia Pérez”) won the supporting categories, as they were widely expected to. Outside of “Anora’s” near-sweep, the academy spread the love. Nothing else came close.

Conan O’Brien turned out to be the perfect host for a weird year of wildfires, scandals and a post-strike slimmer release schedule.

He was always funny, self-deprecating, nerdy and personable. It’s not his style to go for a Ricky Gervais-style roasting. He’d rather mock himself. But he did land a killer joke about controversial Best Actress nominee Karla Sofía Gascón.

“‘Anora’ uses the F-word 479 times,” he said in his monologue. “That’s three more than the record set by Karla Sofía Gascón’s publicist: ‘You tweeted WHAT?’”

The ceremony’s length wasn’t O’Brien’s fault. I was always pleased whenever he was onstage. The host kept the show moving, didn’t add unwanted bits late in the game and made his intros short and sweet.

But he definitely was onto something with one of his final jokes of the evening.

“If you’re still enjoying the show, you have something called Stockholm syndrome,” O’Brien said.