14 ‘Harmless’ Comments People Said That Were Actually Psychologically Damaging

14 ‘Harmless’ Comments People Said That Were Actually Psychologically Damaging was printed on The Mighty by Juliette Virzi.

We’ve all heard hurtful or invalidating feedback in some unspecified time in the future in our lives. If you reside with a psychological sickness, you is likely to be particularly conversant in some seemingly “harmless,” however really invalidating issues folks can say to these struggling.

Sometimes these “harmless” feedback come within the type of a query. (Have you taken your meds right now?) Sometimes they arrive with a “solution” by way of private anecdote. (You simply have to be constructive. I pulled myself out of my disappointment by specializing in the nice issues in life.) Most typically, they arrive from a spot of confusion psychological well being struggles. And despite the fact that these “harmless” feedback could come from a superb place, they will typically invalidate somebody combating their psychological well being.

When somebody opens up about combating their psychological well being, oftentimes they aren’t in search of your “solution,” “advice,” opinions, DIY therapeutic information, and many others. — they might simply be in search of somebody to hear and be there.

We needed to know what “harmless” feedback folks have heard that have been really psychologically damaging, so we requested our psychological well being group to share one with us and clarify what it seems like to listen to it.

It’s essential to recollect what could seem “harmless” to at least one individual may very well be hurtful or psychologically damaging to a different. No matter what anybody says, your emotions are legitimate, and also you deserve assist.

Here’s what our group shared with us:

1. “You’re so lucky you get to be in bed all day.”

“‘You’re fortunate you get to be in mattress all day as an alternative of working.’ I need to work. I’m residence all day in mattress as a result of my psychological well being and fibromyalgia make is close to unimaginable for me to go away the home and not using a painful meltdown. I’m fully broke and it makes me really feel a lot worse.” — Ashley M.

“’Must be nice to have all that time off.’ Yep, I love being sick all the time and missing school and work for mental health and chronic pain issues. Being in the hospital is super fun.” — Jessica Z.

2. “What do you have to be depressed about?”

“I remember my family member saying that I have ‘nothing to be depressed about.’ Which, in reality, I’ve had many things happen to me. Depression and anxiety just doesn’t allow me to say these things to them because I’m afraid, apparently. Deeply, that affected me. It still does, and many others said that I have nothing to be afraid about, too. Which really aches me. Nobody knows what I’ve really been through.” — Hunter P.

three. “That’s just your mental illness talking.”

“Every time someone dismisses my feelings about something as ‘just my borderline talking.’ Like I am not allowed to have feelings or I can’t get upset like everyone else. Makes me feel like I (and my feelings) don’t matter.” — Daniela R.

“Every time I have a legitimate emotion like frustration or anger at somebody or if I am stressed over money etc., then somebody in the family says something like, ‘It’s just your anxiety and depression talking. We really need to check the meds you’re on…’ Like I’m not allowed to feel any emotions or get upset at anything or anyone… It’s so painful to hear it from them. They’re supposed to be on my side but it makes me feel like they wish I was a remote control with an off switch so I could only speak or feel when they want me to.” — Talysha R.

four. “Your life isn’t even that bad…”

“There’s this comment my parents make every time I tell them, or even hint at my mental illness(s). ‘You’re life isn’t even bad.’ It always affects me because it makes me think I shouldn’t feel this way and I always think someone has it worse. This comment always stays at the back of my mind.” — Lauren P.

“I was once told by a psychiatrist, ‘You’re not even that bad…’ I felt so invalidated after opening up to them. It affected me for a couple days afterwards.” — Johanna M.

“‘In the grand scheme of things, your problems are rather small, hardly problems at all.’ Well… thanks for bringing it up, because I’m not agonizing over it too much already.” — Julz T.

5. “You’re just being silly.”

“’You’re simply fooling around.’ I hardly ever inform anyone how I’m feeling except I’m getting actually unhealthy. When I attain out at these instances, I get informed I’m fooling around and to remain sturdy, which disregards how I’m feeling and makes me extra reluctant to succeed in out.” — Charlotte S.

6. “Are you not leaving the house because you can’t, or because you don’t want to?”

“‘Are you refusing to leave the house because you actually can’t or just because you can’t be bothered?’ Haha the things I would have done to be able to choose the second option (am much better now in regards to going out and about).” — Malisha L.

7. “I thought you were over that by now.”

“‘I thought you were over it now as you seem happier.’ You can’t just be ‘over it.’ It takes time and one good day does not mean every day will be a good day. What they associate as a good day is just me ‘getting by.’” — Abbi V.

eight. “You’re too pretty to be depressed.”

“‘You’re too pretty to be depressed.’ That one was the silliest.” — Chelsea V.

9. “Don’t be a drama queen.”

“I was having a bad anxiety day and instead of putting my anxious energy into that, I was getting upset that the towels wouldn’t fit in the closet. It was my mom’s friend and even though I know she didn’t mean anything mean, it really hurt.” — Eme N.

10. “You don’t look like you could have bipolar dysfunction…”

“‘You don’t seem bipolar. Are you sure you have it?’ I’ve had a relatively good handle on my illness since about 2009. Just because you don’t witness my manias or my severe depressions doesn’t mean I don’t have bipolar disorder. It bothers me that I would have to be visibly sick for people to believe me.” — Courtney T.

11. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

“‘You don’t want to get better, you just want to feel sorry for yourself.’ I broke down crying yesterday after reading a comment on a page saying, ‘I decided to not be depressed anymore. You can do it if you want to’ because it reminded me of what she had said to me. The guilt, pain and frustration is so overwhelming when I can’t fight my depression and people tell me I’m being selfish.” — Andrea G.

12. “Tell me something good that happened today.”

“Whenever I would have a bad day, I would be asked this. It essentially told me that no one liked talking about sad/bad days and that I should hide those things. That I had to force myself to be happy and think positively regardless of my state. I know it wasn’t intended that way, but that’s how I interpreted it as a kid.” — Alyssa P.

13. “I miss the ‘old you.’”

“A long time friend of mine told me I ‘used to be so happy go lucky’ and he misses the old me. I told him the old me stayed drunk back then to stay numb. I also have been re-traumatized since then and was finally pushed too far. He told me the same day that I need to go to church and that God will fix me. I walked away from that conversation feeling extremely hurt and gaslighted. I confronted him about it later that day after I processed it all and he apologized, but he still didn’t get it. I rarely talk to him anymore. He’s a wonderful person, but it seems like every conversation we have heightens my anxiety even more.” — Tracie B.

14. “You’re just looking for attention.”

“‘You’re promoting your anxiousness/melancholy to get what you need and get consideration.’ No. No I’m not. Choosing to be open about psychological sickness was meant to assist myself settle for it as part of me, in addition to to assist others who wrestle silently and are afraid to ask for assist. The reality that somebody would even assume I’m this sort of individual hurts deeply, particularly since this got here from somebody who I cherished and I believed I knew. This was additionally extraordinarily invalidating, as if to say that my struggles aren’t actual. They are veryactual, and simply since you don’t see that, it doesn’t make them any much less actual.” — Ashley O.

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